Understand stress to deal with it better!

Hello and thank you for coming back!

With everything that has been going on around us, it is obvious and natural to get all caught up, all riled up.

We millennials are doomed, I believe in my opinion, by the fact that we have too much exposure to too much information given our unfiltered access to too many things at our disposal and hardly any of us utilise this privilege of high-speed uninterrupted internet to our benefit.

This increases social pressure, a life that should ‘look happy’ even if it is nowhere near satisfying. A perfect Instagram, full of cheerful faces, yummy-in-my-tummy food, mountains, and beaches have now become the idea or if I can say 'the prototype' of an ideally happy life.

Amidst all this, when do you pause, take a break? Breathe for a moment? Think a little? When was the last time you sat with yourself, doing absolutely nothing but listening to your own thoughts and addressing them? When was it that you told yourself how privileged you are and how thankful you are to eat the food you eat, to breathe the air you breathe, the bed you sleep in? When was the last time you last ate a salad to take care of your body?

I suggest you take a pause here, right now, grab a pen and a paper and write the answers to the above questions and only then continue.

We run after American fast food and then crave a perfectly chiselled physique.

We burden yourself with obligations and then complain of being stressed out.

We take upon yourselves more than we can handle and then quit altogether ending up feeling miserable.

And then we get in bed at the end of the day using our smartphones, binging on a show that we MUST watch why? because everyone else is watching & we feel obligated!

(Oh c'mon, even Netflix has it #2 in India.)

And if we don’t, we'll not be able to understand all the cool memes. How boring of us!

WHAT DO WE GET OUT OF IT? Yeah, say it out loud- STRESS!!!!!!!!!

Take another pause and tell me has this happened with you ever?

If you were honest with yourself you will realise, without me saying, this is when we compromise on our sleep and wake up feeling miserable the next day and this is how the cycle continues.

What are we so stressed about anyway? A better job? A boyfriend who is supportive and not controlling? Failing friendships? Poor family equations? A girlfriend who is too clingy? Instagram that doesn't look fun?

Let us understand the stress a bit more before we move on a few useful tips which will help you tackle stress better.

What is stress by books?

The physiological or psychological response to internal or external stressors. Stress involves changes affecting nearly every system of the body, influencing how people feel and behave.- APA

Stress is the “psychological, physiological and behavioural response by an individual when they perceive a lack of equilibrium between the demands placed upon them and their ability to meet those demands, which, over a period of time, leads to ill-health” (Palmer, 1989).

Around 89% of Indians have reported being stressful and I am not the one saying this.

Symptoms of stress

Although we all experience stress differently, some common symptoms include:

• Difficulty sleeping

• Weight gain or weight loss

• Stomach pain

• Irritability

• Teeth grinding

• Panic attacks

• Headaches

• Difficulty concentrating

• Sweaty hands or feet

• Heartburn

• Excessive sleeping

• Social isolation

• Fatigue

• Nausea

• Feeling overwhelmed

• and obsessive or compulsive behaviours

Hair loss caused by stress that can happen up to three months after a stressful event (McEwen, 2003).

Researchers have found that stress worsens acne, more so than the prevalence of oily skin (Warner, 2002).

Correlations have been found between stress and the top six causes of death: cancer, lung ailments, heart disease, liver cirrhosis, accidents, and suicide (“How Does Stress Affect Us?”, 2016).

What is Stress Management? By definition?

Put simply, stress management is:

“set of techniques and programs intended to help people deal more effectively with stress in their lives by analysing the specific stressors and taking positive actions to minimise their effects” (Gale Encyclopaedia of Medicine, 2008).

First, let’s set one thing straight: we’re not aiming towards being stress-free all of the time. That’s unrealistic and TBH stress is not all bad either.

However, we can all benefit from identifying our stress and managing it better.

What’s the key to solving life’s problems?

We can solve our problems just by noticing and understanding all the other things we do every day.

Whether it’s placing an order for a new pair of shoes, fixing a broken electrical device, arranging the order of foods to cook when we’re preparing a meal, or figuring out the best route home, there are similar steps involved in being a good problem-solver.

It is suggested that we first understand the nature of the problem and the origin of it, like rearranging puzzle pieces or putting things in proper order.

Then, most importantly, we need to keep an open mind to possible solutions, multiple solutions even ones that may seem a bit out of the ordinary.

We are all very prone to mental set, and that can be a huge impediment to problem-solving. Once our mental pattern is established it becomes very difficult for us to try new things.

Finally, be ready to start all over if your results were unsuccessful.

Remember- Fall seven times, rise eight! (IKIGAI)

Holding onto our stringent belief, even if it’s not a very good one can impede us from ever coming up with a way out of your dilemma.

Rushing ahead to complete a problem is probably the biggest mistake that people make (other than procrastinating of course!)

There is a famous quote from Einstein which goes like this; ‘We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them’.

What happens when we continue “burning the candle at both ends” until we reach physical and emotional exhaustion? Just like the candle itself, we risk burning ourselves out.

There is a parable of a frog sitting in a pot on the stove.

If dropped into a pot of boiling water, a frog would likely notice and try to escape. But when placed in a pot that is slowly approaching a boil, the frog doesn’t notice until the water has already reached an unbearable heat—at which point it is too hot for the frog to survive.

Similarly, if we begin to realize and act on our stressors when we've already burnt out ourselves, the chances of recovery are very low. But if we are consistently mindful in our day-to-day actions we might become better at handling stress.

How can we motivate ourselves more effectively through reinforcement?

The way to improve our effectiveness is by rewarding ourselves for the little steps that take us closer and closer to those desirable outcomes.

First, find something you really like to do or something you want to do or you’d like to have that can, realistically, serve as a reward.

Then, take the goal that you are hoping to achieve and imagine that you have already achieved it (yes yes, pat yourself on the back)

Next, work backwards from that goal to your present state remembering how you felt on achieving the said goal. Now work slowly step by step.

As you start to make progress, only give yourself a reward when you’ve moved forward from where you are now.

For example, if you’d like to cut back on your unhealthy eating habits and instead eat mindfully more often, reward yourself by allowing yourself to eat a slice of your favourite cheese burst pizza only when you’ve been consistently eating well for a week (okay well 5 days minimum).

By the time you’ve gotten to eat a salad or that quinoa bowl, who knows, you might as well enjoy this mindful eating and appreciate the effects it has on your physical and mental health so much that you won’t even care about that nasty unhealthy fatty flour bread with onion & capsicums here and there. (Let us not forget that sinful cheese!)

9 quick questions to identify if you are stressing out yourself on a daily basis

1. Understand your stress (Ask yourself- What stress looks like for me?)

2. Identify your stress sources (Ask yourself- What causes me to be stressed?)

3. Learn to recognize stress signals (Ask yourself- What are my internal alarm bells?)

4. Recognize your stress strategies (Ask yourself- What is my go-to tactic for calming down?)

5. Implement healthy stress management strategies (Ask yourself- Do I overeat when I am stressed?)

6. Apply the airplane analogy (Ask yourself- Do I make time for myself and look after my wellbeing?)

7. Ask for support when needed (Ask yourself- Do I share my worries with people close to me?)

8. Get a good night sleep (Ask yourself- Am I getting enough Zzzz’s?)

9. Build resilience (Ask yourself- How quickly do I bounce back from a negative experience, accepting the outcome and move on?)

Stress management strategies

1. Action-oriented

Prioritize!

If we let them, our days will consume us. Before we know it, the months have become overwhelmingly busy. When we prioritize and organize our tasks, we create a less stressful and more enjoyable life.

For example, let’s say you are invited to a meet & greet this weekend, but you have not had any time for yourself. The idea of lying down in your bed, eating Chinese take-out while watching your favourite movie sounds like your dream, but you’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings if you don’t attend.

There you go, dilemma and stress!!

2. Emotion-oriented

Affirmations and imagery!

The power of positive imagery and affirmations is now scientifically proven to increase positive emotion.

How? When we think of a positive experience, our brain perceives it to be a reality.

For example, just close your eyes and imagine waking up on a bright yet windy day, you begin your day with a strong freshly brewed cup of coffee. As the day goes by you enjoy with your family and play with your dog, you eat healthy, exercise and are satisfied with your life, you are always smiling and never gloomy, you go out for a walk and everything is green, perfect, you sit down on a bench by the community garden and breathe deeply, How do you feel?

Maybe try this again and this time with a 528Hz music I suggest, you can imagine a troubling situation you are in right now and try turning it positive.

3. Acceptance-oriented

Be mindful!

These are useful in stressful situations that we cannot control.

Epictetus, the Greek philosopher had it right when he said:

“Men are disturbed not by things but by the views they take of them”

All we can do is be mindful of what we eat and do.

We’ve heard it before, but we are what we eat. Be mindful of having a balanced and healthy diet. Making simple diet changes, such as reducing alcohol, caffeine and sugar intake. Another guaranteed way to reduce stress is exercise. It’s proven to also be as effective as antidepressants in relieving mild depression.

So… get moving! It is time that we copy our cat.

Use techniques such as deep breathing, guided visualizations, yoga, and guided body scans.

Conclusion

Take a deep breathe in and follow the 4-7-8 breathing technique.

Breathe in quietly through the nose for 4 seconds, hold the breath for a count of 7 seconds, exhale forcefully through the mouth, pursing the lips and making a “whoosh” sound, for 8 seconds.

Now understand that is OKAY to be sad, it is OKAY to be bothered, it is OKAY to feel the heat and the pressure, it is OKAY to get restless only as long as we are capable of identifying our emotions and learning by accepting the reasons that transcribe it and moving on.

Remember the ABC Technique!

A – adversity, or the stressful event.

B – beliefs, or the way that you respond to the event.

C – consequences, the result of your beliefs lead to the actions and outcome of that event.

Essentially, the more optimistic our beliefs, the more positive the outcome.

I hope you had fun reading and it proved useful. Please like and share.

Source: American Psychological Association